Tuesday, August 3, 2010

All I Ever Wanted

It's eating at my brain 
At my soul. 
At my skin.
Tearing thick flesh from the sanity that once held it together. 
A deep breath cannot turn time back or take back the steps I took so boldly in the direction I never knew would bring us here. 
Bring us to destruction and thorough baronness that surrounded every mistake I ever tried to forget. 
I lost the things I worked for
And I longed for the past with each footstep I made on her heart. 
All I ever wanted
Yearned for
Was in the love I once saw so clearly. It stared me in the face to my soul and back and I knew it was true no matter the selfish doubts my untamed lips spewed. 
It tore us apart. 
My unkept secrets to the trembling of a hidden hand. 
The quickened thumps of a heartbeat. 
And maybe that's all we'll ever be. 
Things I hold onto tighter than gold or life. 
Memories- The one thing that won't change on me. 
Because I ruin everything else. 
But a memory- you can't touch a memory. 

Thus- I can't ruin all we had. 
I can only ruin what we have. 
Which sadly, is now nothing. 

I no longer yearn to strangle words from you or to beg for the three words I know won't pass your lips for me anymore. No matter how hard it pulls at my heartstrings, I must learn to accept that sad consequence. 


All I ever wanted I had for a short time. Etched on every wall it will remain. Memories of things I so long to return to. But can't. 

Oh how I love to hold the intangable.