Nobody's Perfect.

You know how that saying that Hannah Montana way over used in her song? That line that goes, "Everybody makes mistakes/everybody has those days." you know. The song, "Nobody's Perfect." 

I think that songs wrong. 

I think, there are those people out there that really DONT make mistakes. Mistakes just happen to them. They don't cause them, but they are the ones the mistakes happen to and effect. 

I feel this way...because I've met someone like that. 
A great girl. Big heart. Huge love. One of the most loving and kindest people one could....ever meet. But all these things happened to her. Things she didn't do. 

Know how in 6th grade they teach you cause and effect? 
She was always the effect. 
Never the cause. 
So she NEVER made a mistake. She was always the result of a mistake somebody ELSE made. I think I've pounded that in your head, yes? 

Just found out she died. 
Ya, Courtney, my friend from kindergarten, was once again the effect.  

We hadn't talked since our last pen pal convo in 4th grade. She moved when her dad got a divorce against her mom. Not her fault. But she had to move so her mom could take a job and moved the summer going into 1st grade. 

Needless to say, that girl was so sweet. Been in foster care. We knew the stories. Especially my "group" we had one wednesday a month to talk about hard things. My mom had put me in there cuz my dad and her fought 24/7/365. And.... My dad has this liver disease. But Courtney... Was always so serene. So calm. So positive. I didn't understand. 

I remember she had these scratches on her arm. Bruises even, but more than the average  We were taking snow clothes off, and it was after I punched a kid in the face (big huge Nate now, but he was tiny and chubby back in the day) and she was there so we went to the office. She took her snow clothes off and and i noticed. But she smiled and shrugged it off. 

I still dunno what those were from.... 

Courtney used to be by my side when I got picked on. Stood up for me when my blocks were knocked over. Helped me with whiteboard alphabet activies I have vague memories of doing under a table. 

She was one great girl. But bad things happened to her. She was always a consequence to somebody's ridiculous mistake. 

So when I found out.... 
That it was a car crash she hadn't caused. Stupid idiot ran a stop sign and t-boned her... 
I thought back to Hannah Montana. (unfortunately) 

Everybody makes mistakes. 
Everybody has those days. 
Nobody's perfect. 

Somebody didn't make mistakes, oh Miss Hannah. She wasn't perfect, but she didn't make mistakes. 

And now she's gone. 
Sad effect. 

::

So in retrospect, what if I am one big mistake? I think about this a lot. 

When my parents fight over how to raise me. How my mom thinks this and dad that and bicker bicker bicker throwing phones, missing moms, phone calls to cops and screaming fits and suicide threats. 

All cuz of me. 
All about me. 

So what If I'm the mistake? 
Hell, if I wasn't born, my dad could go back to being some drunk druggie and my mom to being alone like she always wanted as she tells me. If I wasn't born, mom could have broke up with him. Divorced him and been happy like she isn't Now. 

Or.... 
When I get good things and screw them up cuz of 
My pessimisim
My attitude
Sarcasm
Clinginess
Stupidity
Selfishness
The list goes on, really. 

So maybe, Miss Montana, that song was written for me. 

But what about those out there, who THINK they're the mistake when they're the effect of somebody elses? 

Well, I wish I knew the answer to that. 

In any case, 
RIP Courtney. Kindergarten buddy.